Ep. 18: Healing the Visibility Wound

Have you ever felt the desire to share your voice, pursue your dreams, or fully express yourself… while simultaneously feeling terrified to be seen?

In this episode of Soul Ignited, we’re talking about the visibility wound — the deep-rooted fear of being judged, rejected, criticized, or misunderstood when we allow ourselves to fully show up in the world.

We’ll explore:

• why visibility can feel unsafe,
• how perfectionism and people pleasing keep us hiding,
• where these fears often begin,
• and how to gently begin healing the parts of ourselves that learned it was safer to stay small.

If you’ve ever struggled to speak up, share your gifts, or take up space unapologetically, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

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Hello everyone and welcome back to Soul Ignited. I'm your host, Jackie Niees, and today we're talking about something that I think so many of us experience, myself included, but you may not have the language for. And that is the visibility wound. That fear of being seen, the fear of speaking up, the fear of sharing your voice and your gifts and your dreams and what you want out of life. Because somewhere along the way, being visible stopped feeling safe. If you've ever felt that push and pull and wanting more from your life while also wanting to hide at the same time, you're definitely not alone. And we're going to talk about that more in a minute. But first, I'd like to pull a card. The card I'm pulling today is from the Good Tarot Deck by Colette Baron Reed. I'm taking a course from Colette right now called Manifest The Art of Manifesting. And by the end of it, I'll be able to teach the method, but it is a powerful method to manifest your desires and to have breakthroughs on what's blocking that manifestation. So I'm really excited to go through this course and I'm really excited to be able to share it with the world. I love Colette. She is amazing. So of course I have a lot of her decks. So this one is called the Good Tarot. And let's see what we need to know this week. Okay, the card we pulled was the Five of Fire. This is all about um creativity and um freedom. Having the freedom to explore those ideas that may seem out of reach, um, but they're there and they're kind of nudging at you. Those wild and crazy dreams, you know, the the ones that you think that could never happen. Allow yourself to play with that, allow yourself to explore that because you never know. It might sound crazy at the time, but it could end up being your new path or your new um offering or anything like that. Be open to the unfamiliar, be open to new ideas, be open to new people that may inspire you and may give you that spark of, ooh, I want to know more about that. You know, I want to learn more about that. Um that's how I felt with this course that I'm taking. I I saw an ad for it and I clicked on it, or I got an email or something, I clicked on it, and I was like, ooh, this is calling to me. Um pay attention to those things, pay attention to those divine downloads that you get, and um what calls to you and follow that. So that's our message for this week. Let's talk about what the visibility wound is. This isn't, I'm not talking about being on social media or being on camera necessarily, although that's part of it. Um, but the visibility wound can show up as many things: fear of judgment, fear of criticism, perfectionism, overthinking, shrinking yourself to make other people feel comfortable. Does anybody else do that? I do. Um getting better at it, but I still do. It shows up as staying quiet, hiding your gifts, people pleasing. Oh, that's that's the biggest one for me. Um, or feeling emotionally exposed when you share yourself authentically. You know, you talk about a dream that you have that you want to make come true, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, that's out in the world. What if it doesn't happen? And I said it was going to, or things like that. Um a lot of people think they lack confidence, but really they've learned that visibility feels unsafe. It might not be confidence you're lacking, it might just be fear of being seen, fear of being heard. So, where does it come from, this visibility wound? Where does it stem from? So, as women especially, we're taught to stay agreeable, not take up space, not be too loud, not be too much, um, put everybody else first. That's a big one. Um, avoid calling attention to yourself, seeking approval, performing for acceptance. You know, in order to be accepted, you have to do this, that, and the other thing. Um those things are are conditioned into our being. Maybe you were bullied, uh, and you know, for your ideas or your thoughts, or your just the way that you speak, or the way that you carry yourself. Maybe you were bullied for that, and you learned that being yourself results in bullying, so you stopped being yourself. You may have been rejected, you may have gone through toxic relationships, being criticized as a child, feeling misunderstood, especially in the teen years, you know. We teens feel like a lot of the times, like nobody gets them, nobody understands them, they feel isolated, they feel um, you know, they get overly self-critical. Those formative years are big ones for a lot of this stuff sinking in. It could be religious conditioning, you know, you're taught in church to be a certain way or do certain things or not do certain things. It could be your family dynamics, like how your family worked, what was allowed, what wasn't allowed, you know, be quiet, children should be seen and not heard, that whole thing. Um your nervous system remembers what feels unsafe. And the second that something comes up where you might have to express yourself in any way, or you're put in a situation where you have to be a certain way or act a certain way, or whatever, that that conditioning, that those memories um come up and it almost puts your body into fight or flight. The nervous system remembers it and it reacts accordingly. So you're not crazy, you're not broken, you're not anything, but your nervous system and your body react to what it's learned over time. So let's talk about the push and pull dynamic that we talked about earlier. So many women deeply want to start a business, write a book, launch a podcast, speak their truth, reinvent themselves into somebody new, pursue their joy. But at the same time, another part of them wants to hide under a rock. You know, like, oh my god, I can't do this. You know, they have the dream, but then it's like, oh, I can't do this. I'm gonna be exposed, I'm gonna be seen, people are gonna know who I really am. Both parts make sense. Um, the one part longs for expansion, and another part is trying to protect you. So they clash. It's like a thunderstorm, you know, the cold and the warm air clash, and there you have a storm. Um, same thing. This part of you that wants to follow your dreams and do the thing and be a new version of yourself is clashing with that part of you that wants to keep you safe. Let's talk about more of how the visibility wound shows up. It can show up in procrastination. If I don't do it, then nobody can see me, right? Um perfectionism, inconsistency, constantly going from one thing to the other or changing your mind. That's a big one, I think, is you know, constantly going back and forth, like, I want to do this. No, I don't want to do this, I want to do that. No, I don't know. That seems scary. I'm gonna go back to this. Uh, that's kind of scary too. You know, it's um it's that kind of thing, it's comparing yourself. You're afraid to post anything. Because once it's out there, it's out there, right? Um, you're deleting things that you write or post. You post it and then it's like I can't have that out there, and you delete it. You're waiting until you feel ready. Guess what? Spoiler alert, you're never gonna be ready. So you're not gonna do the thing, right? So that's that's a big one to keep in mind. Um, you stay behind the scenes because it's safe there. It's safe not to be seen, it's safe to, you know, be good at your talents that are behind the scenes when really you want to be that part of you wants to be in the front and doing the thing that you wish you could do. So, how do we heal the visibility wound? Part of it comes from creating emotional safety within yourself, um self-trust, compassionate visibility, being compassionate with yourself, being gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can. Um that's what's really important. Taking those baby brave steps, one little step at a time. You don't have to, you know, all of a sudden be, you know, a best-selling novelist, or all of a sudden be the CEO of a company. Take those baby steps. First, you know, you um have the idea, then you maybe journal about it, maybe read a book about it. You know, take those little steps toward that thing that's calling to you. Um and keep that vibration of I want to stay in this, knowing more about this and being in this, and eventually I will be this. Allow yourself to evolve publicly. People want to see your growth. Don't be afraid to show this is where I started, and this is where I'm going, and this is where I am. Um, people want to see that evolution, they want to see they want, they are inspired by your evolution. They feel like they're seen because they're saying, me too, that's where I'm at too, and this is where I want to go too. Um, people are inspired by that. I always say, let your mess be your message. So, whatever you're going through, somebody else is too. And they want to feel like they're not alone. So don't be afraid to share yourself. One thing to remember is healing the visibility wound isn't about becoming fearless. It's about learning that you can still be seen and be safe at the same time. Visibility becomes less terrifying when you're when you stop making other people's opinions mean something about your worth. What people think of you is none of your business. Be you. Be yourself, do your thing unapologetically. It's nobody else's business what you're doing, and if they don't like it, that's their issue, not yours. It has nothing to do with your worth or um whether you're allowed to do something or whether you're good at it or any of that. It has nothing to do with that, it is their story to deal with. So remember that. Visibility doesn't necessarily mean performing, not at all. I'm speaking especially to the introverts in the room and sensitive women. Um, visibility can look like honest conversations, telling a story, being creative, sharing your wisdom. That's a simple way that you can be visible is sharing your wisdom. You're not doing something outlandish, you're not um doing something big, you're sharing well, it can be very impactful, you're sharing something within yourself that you've learned or that you've come to understand as time goes by. That could be really helpful to somebody, and it's helping you be visible. Show up authentically, be yourself. Everybody else is taken, as the saying goes. Don't try to be somebody you're not for fear of um rocking the boat, or fear of people pleasing, or they might not like it, or what if I'm myself and people laugh at me, or don't worry about those things that what you're fearing is 99% not gonna happen, and um you just have to be yourself, and you're gonna see such a relief and a release with that because you're not expending all this energy trying to be somebody you're not, you're not putting all this effort, which is exhausting, into being careful and being too mindful of what you're saying and what you're doing, and um not making anybody upset or ruffle feathers or that stuff is exhausting. Just be yourself. You're gonna see how much lighter you feel. You do not need this loud influencer energy, you don't need to come out onto the scene like, hey, this is what's working for me, and I think you should buy it, you know, or you should do it too, or um you don't need to come out like that. You you just need to be yourself, and like I said, take those baby steps. You don't need to do like I can speak for myself, like I'm much more comfortable doing this podcast than I am YouTube videos, even though I know my YouTube channel is important and um it's gonna get me visibility. Um, and I'm actually planning on doing two videos today that are for my YouTube channel because I want to start it back up again. But this is much more comfortable and less scary for me than being on camera, it just is, but I'm taking those baby steps. I'm today I'm gonna be doing a couple of shorts, YouTube shorts, instead of a full-length video. Um, because that's more comfortable for me, but it's still taking a step in the right direction. Um, so taking those little baby steps is can lead to huge results. I think so many of us carry versions of ourselves that learned it was safer to stay quiet, stay hidden, stay small, or stay people pleasing. But your voice matters. You need to know that your dreams matter. How you express yourself matters, and maybe healing the visibility wound begins with allowing yourself to take up just a little bit more space than you did yesterday. You don't have to um be the loudest one in the room, you don't have to be the best dressed or the funniest or anything. Just show up and be yourself. Be yourself. This week I want to encourage you to take one small visible step. Maybe it's sharing your thoughts with somebody. Maybe it's posting a video, starting a project, speaking honestly, or simply allowing yourself to be seen a little more fully than before. Those small, brave moments change us for the better. And if you've enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to share it with somebody that might need it, that might be feeling a little invisible and might need the encouragement. Also, if you feel called, I would love for you to comment or leave me a review. And until next time, keep shining your light and do what ignites your soul. Bye, everybody.